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July 23, 2007

I had one of the best weekends that I have had in a long time. I bought a wedding dress!!!!!!!!!! I'm in shock to be honest. I didn't expect this to happen at all. It seems so soon but you have had to see that dress on me to understand.

 

Basically, I went to David's Bridal thinking that I was just going there for some ideas. Actually, I was pretty sure I wasn't even going to find a thing that I liked. I have been looking through a gazillion of different magazines of dresses completely out of my price range. I had my heart set on a dress that I found in In Style magazine but I also fell in love with a dress that I saw online. I was planning on finding a similar one, for cheaper… who needs a designer label anyway? Not me, especially on this budget.

 

I gave the pictures of the dresses I loved to a woman who worked there. She gave me a room and several different dresses based on my ideas. I tried on a few but nothing seemed right… too much lace, not enough train… blah! My sister saw someone who was there for a final fitting trying on a dress that looked just like one that I had hoped for!!! It looked amazing on her and my sister demanded that I try it on. So I did and when I looked at myself in the mirror I just knew it was the right one. Plus, there wasn't a dry eye in the place! Everyone in the entire store stopped to stare at me in this dress and my entourage could not stop crying. It was one of those moments I was dreading, but a total right of passages in the wedding world.

 

I was nervous about buying something so soon. Knowing the wedding is a year away made me nervous that I might find something better. I hesitated before dishing out the buck but I know that it was the right decision. It's the dress of my dreams for the wedding of my dreams.

 

I really am trying to stress less about the wedding. While I am having a fantastic time planning  I also have this tiny tug at my heart. I know I worry about money too much but its so easy to go over budget on all the things you want for the big day. It's not easy doing a wedding on a tight budget but this is the path I chose and I don't regret it for a second. I knew it was going to be hard on me, I'm just starting out and Billy is too but I love him and I know that he is the right person for me. I can't wait to spend my life with him. He is the greatest person I have ever met. Every day he surprises me with new ways to "wow" me. I know I don't always show it in the right ways, but I love him and appreciate everything he is and does.

July 23, 2007

It's been such a happy time that I hate to ruin it with such a "blah entry."

 

I'm kind of sad today though. It could just be the weather which tends to determine my mood around this time of year. Seriously though, I really miss college… parts of it I mean. I guess two months later is a good time for it to finally sink in. . . I'm not going back. . . Friends are strewn all over the country. . . People I really don't think I can live without.

 

I hated when all my friends (including myself) left for college. High school was such a happy time for me. I made amazing friends that I think about every day. I miss people terribly and they don't even know it. It's the same experience all over again. It was hard for me to live without Team Cambodia but I was able to fall back on some of the most amazing people I have ever met. Now that both sets of friends have settled into their lives in various cities and states I can't help but fear what I am going to fall back on now.

 

Not to mention Hastings is the same old, and unfortunately for me, I'm not the same old. I feel stuck in between high school and college. It's an interesting place to be, to say the least. Moving home has gotten easier but I can't shake the feeling that I have taken a giant step back. All my friends are moving up in the world. They have great jobs, great apartments and are living life. I feel like I'm living life in a different way than anybody else. If it wasn't for the wedding living home would be unbearable and I would have walked out a month ago. Next year will be a whole different story though. I can't wait to live with Billy and become a wife! What an exciting and scary thought. I'm probably not even good at it.

 

It's nice to know that I have something permanent in my life. I know my future with Billy is secure. While all my friends are important to me I know I always have him to fall back on. He seems to fill the emptiness in me all day, every day. I guess that's why I am marrying him.

July 15, 2007

Wow, I probably had one of the most exhausting weekends of my life but it was hands down the most amazing.

Billy and I have been going full-swing at this wedding thing. After months of stress and frustration over finding a place to get married we finally settled on a Church in Dobbs Ferry. Then, we started shopping around for some party houses for our reception this weekend. We visited three places locally and while we enjoyed our visit we never got the feeling that it was the right place. After a long day on Saturday, we decided to check out this place in Mahopac that we knew was way too far out of our price range. However, we wanted to get a feel for what a five-star place was like before settling for something cheaper.

When we walked in we were immediately amazed and I don't think it could have felt more right. We simply knew we had to have our reception there. The place is amazing and dazzling and as we got the tour I was so nervous that it was going to be completely over our budget.

We sat down with the owner, only to receive bad news. They didn't have our day available. I was really hoping to get married on July 12, 2008 because 12 is one of my very lucky numbers. This presented a challenge. The church was already booked but we seemed to have our hearts set on having our reception at this place. After the owner gave us a few numbers that shocked us in the best way possible I knew that I was going to have to change the date. He offered to have the ceremony on site and at first I was apprehensive but he gave us an offer we couldn't refuse. So the new date is July 20, 2008. Hopefully the Church won't be too disappointed. So our new place for the ceremony and the reception is VILLA BARONE HILLTOP MANOR located in Mahopac.

The package is amazing… I can't wait until all my family and friends see what I have planned. Open bar all night long... The cocktail hour alone is going to be enough to blow anyone's minds. Plus, the hot and cold food stations, the incredible entrées and the best part of the whole night… the viennese (dessert) hour which will bring out the little kid in everybody! It is going to be a magical night for everybody… 

Granted these stages of the wedding haven't been easy or fun to plan but that's okay because the next step is going to be the most fun… PLANNING THE HONEYMOON!!!

For everyone who reads this and cares… check out the website for this amazing place and save the date… JULY 20^th, 2008!

 

http://www.villabaronehilltop.com/

June 21, 2007

Things have actually come together quite nicely in the past couple of weeks. I decided on a graduate school, worked as a substitute and actually got a job! I feel more excited to plan my wedding than ever and life at the moment, finally feels right. . .

 

I will be starting classes at The College of New Rochelle in the Fall to pursue my graduate degree in Special Education. Everyone keeps telling me how proud I should be but for awhile it was just another stepping stone for me, the next step in life I was forced to take to assure myself of a great future. However, now I am actually excited! If you asked me a year or so ago if I ever thought that I would be pursuing a MASTERS degree I would have laughed in everyone's faces and bet my life savings that it would never happen. However, I am a very different girl in a very different world.

 

I even accepted a job offer for a teaching position in Ossining. I started this week and despite many initial concerns I can honestly say that this experience will be very worthwhile. While it is not my dream job, it will certainly do for now. I am overly-qualified for this position, something I never thought I would hear right out of college. The pay is decent and I am confidant that I can afford a wedding next summer on this salary! I am most excited about having my own classroom!! Something I have been looking forward to for quite some time now. I will be teaching Pre-K children in an inclusion classroom for the summer and then moving into a general education classroom in the fall. Seeing the title Teacher next to my name brought me a feeling that I cannot explain. I feel that all my hard work has finally paid off! While this might not be my ideal placement, I can say that I am finally starting to live my lifelong dream! What could be more exciting than that…

 

…Planning a wedding of course! Now that school is over Billy and I have began our first real attempts at planning our wedding. We've pursued a number of places for a ceremony and by the end of the summer we should have a definite date booked, as well as a reception site. Once this step is complete I will feel much more relieved. However, I decided I am the worst person to plan a wedding because I am so indecisive and so is Billy. I am being pressured to pick a color for my bridesmaid's dresses. I can't make this decision on my own. (I'm taking suggestions so feel free to comment). The only color I care about is orange but I am not sure that will fly in July! However, I haven't even asked anyone to be my bridesmaids yet, so I don't want to rush things too much. One step at a time…

 

I guess I should count my blessings. Things are coming together naturally which takes a lot of pressure off of my shoulders. Now I can enjoy my summer and my life after college a bit more.

June 6, 2007

The real world is kicking my butt! Life after college is harder than I thought. I forgot to leave room for the huge adjustment period that I am currently experiencing.

It's hard; I'm not going to lie. I feel all sorts of anxiety about several different things. To begin with, moving back in with my parents, the day after graduation is by far the most depressing part. I've been out of the house now for several years so adjusting to life back home has been a bit of a challenge. However, I have no choice but to accept this challenge. I'm flat broke and if a wedding is going to happen next summer then I need to make this work and save as much money as I can until then.

It's hard to be away from my friends, both close and far. I'm back in a town that nobody knows anything about, even me at times. I love Hastings, but it is hard being even few miles away from the people I shared an incredible four years with. Adjusting to the distance is tough. I got so used to walking up a hill or a few flight of stairs every time I felt like seeing friendly faces.

This experience brings out a whole new world of fears that I never thought would plague my worried mind. Maybe now I have too much time to think, or stress. I see changes in myself that I'm not very proud of. Granted, I've recently in the past two years experienced a lot of changes that were hard for me. However, at the end of the day, it felt worth it and I ended up feeling proud of myself for growing up and getting my life together. Now I see and feel differently. I feel old, and boring. One of my biggest fears has come true.

My life at the moment is in a constant lull and probably will be for the next year or so. This transition is hard and more challenging than I expected. I suppose I feel boring because right now my life is boring! Searching for jobs without any real experience despite a hard-earned degree, planning a wedding that isn't exactly planning itself and living at home is not exactly my definition of exciting… but still I'm surviving.

May 25, 2007

So I lived…

I lived through college, through senior week, through graduation. I lived through all the torture of ridiculous hard tests, meaningless classes, high school like drama, and the inevitable fear of failure.

My biggest fear this semester was that it wouldn't all come together. Up until about a week ago I was sure that I wasn't going to make it across that stage, that I wasn't going to get into graduate school and that I wasn't going to find a job.

However, pessimism tends to kick me in the booty at times (luckily) and things worked out better than expected. Senior year was probably the most amazing year of my life. I got engaged, made the dean's list TWICE and even got recognized for my hard work at my senior awards banquet. I got into THREE graduate schools and have two job opportunities pending.

Things are looking up. While the pieces aren't perfectly aligned I have confidence that they will all fall the way they should.

As for life—I'm living it more than I ever had before. I have the time now to read for pleasure, enjoy the simple things and live moment by moment without fear of the future. Of course that F word lingers over my shoulder every day. Although, we have become friends, finally. I realized, my life is right in front of me. While many answers are left unclear I know that it is just the beginning of a new chapter of a story that has the potential to go anywhere and I'm lucky. Lucky because most people would be scared of the blank pages that lay before them, scared of the unknown and nervous about all the questions left unanswered.

Not me, I'm excited. . . at least for now.